Lachrymose Aardvarks are the Answer

Lachrymose Aardvarks are the only answer left to us. We must bring them out upon the stage for everyone to see.

But you object-- the President is up there now, the most powerful man on earth, talking with a mouthful of food and rudely interrupting everyone with his beer-hall take on foreign policy. If we brought out the Lachrymose Aardvarks now we might all sense the terror that is alive inside of our mediocrity.

At any rate, we must wait for longer shadows. Lachrymose Aardvarks are primarily nocturnal and it is getting quite hot.

It’s getting so hot! Those liberal, activist scientists are going to make a big deal out of this-- about how hot it is getting. I bet they will. Who let all those aardvarks in here! What the hell’s going on?

The biggest disappointment about us is how small we turned out to be.

And the Lachrymose Aardvarks, it turns out, are completely dry-eyed. This is something of a shame because their noses are beautifully shaped for the drip of tears. We wanted a Walt Disney aardvark, didn’t we?

The Un-lachrymose Aardvarks dig into the hills of fat termites. You might think we could exit the stage with more dignity. My goodness, it is appalling how we continue to fight with each other as we writhe upon the tongue!!