Dead Christmas

Funny how so many Christmas songs are sung by people who are quite dead. Although they sound enthusiastic, they will not be experiencing any holiday cheer this season, since their season has passed.

Nat Cole will not be roasting any chestnuts. Mel Torme (who wrote that song) will not be roasting any either. Bing Crosby’s Christmas will not be white, or otherwise, and he will not be having either a merry little christmas or a large, dreadful one. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” Andy Williams sings. He's not dead, but if he were there would be no year this year for Andy, and this time, no time.

No one ever actually asks us if we want to listen to Christmas music, do they? No poll is ever taken. It is assumed, irrationally, that we all want to hear Christmas music quite badly--and then it is rammed down our throats without mercy--on the radio, in stores, on the street, etc.

Grandma won’t be celebrating. She got run over by a reindeer.

And by now those folks from Mannheim may have been run over by a steamroller.

The chipmunks: they’re road kill.

At least Elvis was having a blue Christmas. He didn’t pretend to be happy.